Saturday night musings....

It's really chilly and windy today. I actually had to turn the heat on for the first time this season. I'm sure it'll be 80 tomorrow or something stupid like that but today feels like Fall and I love it.

I've got my awesome kitty hat, my robe, a cupcake and swatching away... It's lovely but I'm sad today. I just feel kind of lost and I don't know what to do to find my way.

I'm starting to feel so much better at my job but found out the boss is freaking about the economy and his overhead and he might cut staff. Guess who'd be the first to go. Not that anyone's going... yet... but I find myself torn. Part of me wants him to lay me off because I have no idea if this is the right place for me... if this is the right job. When I started, I was so excited about the potential of it but............... ah yeah... that's part of this.

Right now, it's really hard to have faith in potential actually ever becoming reality. I have been so disappointed this last year or so... disappointed in the scene I was investing so much of myself into... disappointed in the relationship I was investing so much of myself into... disappointed in myself for again making stupid choices.

I've been trying so hard to be able to invest myself in this job and just when I'm starting to feel that I can, I'm reminded that it's not safe to do that. And I really need to be able to do that...

*deeeeeeeeep breath* Thanks for letting me talk that out. ;) I'm going to go be grateful for what I do have and start that project. night....