Overcompensation anyone?

I used to write so much more openly here. What's changed? Is it that I know it's being read by people who actually know me? No longer a semi-anonymous place to ramble about what's in my brain. The rambling makes me feel vulnerable now.

OK, how's this... I'm struggling.

I'm lonely. Surrounded by friends and "admirers" but home alone every night. I wish I could be satisfied by the crumbs and leftovers I'm offered but they only highlight how much isn't there.

What am I doing? Fierce can's support us both right now and I have no idea how to make more business appear. People aren't calling back... they can't afford it right now... I have to start looking for a second job and it's terrifying.

I just wrote out a lot more but deleted it. It was good to write it but there's no reason to make you barf.

I'm doing my best, I'm trying to stay open and really trying to count my blessings because I have many and I'm loved. I hope you're all well in these trying times and that we can all celebrate the good times soon.