GCP 21 and a bit of a break

Last Sunday found us again at Kung Pao Kitty for a very lovely afternoon of Girly Crafty fun. It was another small one and made it even more clear to me that it's time to take a bit of a break from the gathering planning. I think I'll just work on getting my life in order and when things have settled down a bit, I may start them up again. It feels like we're all hunkering down in our own foxholes for a bit in these difficult stressful times.

It's been a little sad watching all of our lives going in different directions and this wonderful "group" feeling dissipate. It's the natural order of life and happens all the time but it never makes it any easier. Wonder what and when the next "group" will be...

Not that I don't think we're all going to remain friends! We will.

Aw, didn't mean to start getting serious and sad. Just haven't been feeling well the last couple of days and had to work anyway so I'm really tired and kind of melancholy.

You know what the weird thing is? Did you ever have someone tell you "You'll never find the right man until you stop looking?" I totally got that idea, intellectually, but never felt there would be a time that I would stop looking so it made me sad. Well, this week I realized that I have completely and utterly stopped looking. I don't want to find someone. It's a very very weird feeling.

I know it mostly comes from having a suitor lately who I'm just not into and my frustrations with that. As much as the fantasy of someone coming in and "saving" me sounded wonderful, I don't really want to be saved. Yes, I want my life to be easier. Yes, I still feel lost and nope, I still don't know what I'm going to do with it, but it's MY life and I'm proud of all of the hard work I've done.

Have no idea how this feeling will continue to express itself or if it'll go away without a trace but I'm kind of enjoying the feeling of just being ok with ME. Just me. All by myself and figuring it out. If someone eventually comes along, that might be fine too but if not, I'll survive.

It feels a little bit like being a grown up...